Bad stuff - feel down

I am absolutely mess. I feel super down and didn't know if i want to write down this post.
I hate my weekend job and those people. The re smiling to you but will talk trash behind your back. Anyway all English are like -sorry peps I have only bad experience with this nationality. I am being serious by saying I want to leave the UK.
I don't like the job and it friendly - fake atmosphere. I would rather jump off my window easily if not my daughter and hubby.

I even don't want to talk about it, but in the same time inside I am screaming.

I feel unable to do any job. I know I require to just get more experience and so on, but being as a a first line of contact for a customer service is just simply not for me. I am not good on the phone dealing with random enquirers.

I just want something what will engage my brain more but in the same time wont require me to work so much directly with customers. 

I am not joking u - I even cannot eat proper dinner, because I am so stressed.  

I feel very depressed and don't know what to do, because that's a permanent job within recognizable company deffo worth experience. 

But in the same time I feel so bad about it that I think its just not worth it. 

I know no one is going to advice me on that, but I am finding that more and more crazy. 

In my other job I had a trouble for a reason my email wasn't written as someone whose English is a first language. 

And who wont say that this is a racism???

I was on the interview and had a honest talk with both of the employers, they knew who they re employing and that I am not a native English. I cannot understand why they re putting me in this position where I feel embarrassed. I am thinking if they really though I can provide same customer service as british person? I can take care of so many different areas of business but not necessary customers. 

I am broken and when I think about tomorrow feel ill.

Maybe I will just go and vomit a bit. ###

have a great rest of the weekend peps - HONEST ME... :( 

First day at work

Today it was my first day at work. Ohh how beautiful was that... I have my own separate office, no one is disturbing me there and watching my hands. I am working in my own peace and speed. It was really, really nice!

There was also an University result day on Tuesday. I have got the highest grade - 1st on average of 75% from all my modules. I am extremely happy about it :)

So this week was quite lucky for me so far. I know that hard time will come by Weekend, but I try not to think about it.

I am going to take a shower and straight into the bed. I am absolutely exhausted and it was just one day. I guess I need to get used to to the regime.

Have a great rest of the week!

Kisses M. Xxx

concerns ...

Hi guys.

I am telling you people, when I am stressed, I am eating chocolate in insane amounts!

Time is flying... on Thursday is my first day at work. I am quite stressed about it , but when I think about the weekend I am proper terrified.

Sometimes I think I wont be able to work it, I am not good enough, English is not my first language, I wont understand something... I've tried to think, yeah right I am just making it up, but to be honest I think I am just aware of myself.

I decided to give myself a try and I will see how I am getting on with it. I believe if after 3 weeks I still wont enjoy it and will struggle or be extremely stressed there I wont continue. I think is not worth this money and busy weekends. Ehh... life is whole filled up with stress, isn't?

I think I need to push my business forward faster :D

Tonight I am chilling with my hubby, we will watch some movie in a minute and eat frozen yogurts!

Have a great evening peps! Xxx

That how it is when you don't have a summer.

Hi there people! 

I though that after all exams and assignments I will find some time to write regular posts and keep in touch with people who read it (if someone actually does). 

But things changed slightly, and I am ever shorter on my free time than before. 

I found a permanent weekend job which I couldn't be more happy about. This is a great from the experience point of view as it is a large company, full with opportunities. I already had couple of days of training and I really enjoy the atmosphere there. Hopefully that will remain. 

But anyway, this is a weekend permanent position. What do I do during the week than? Apparently, I got another job which is contract job. It does required me to work on the project to support chief executive with it. I think this might be very challenging experience.

I am starting next week Thursday, so looks like that will be very busy summer...

A lot of people actually ask me, why am I doing it? I believe any experience is valuable and I work hard for me and my family future. I believe with my hard work I can achieve a lot and hopefully that will happen sooner than my hubby expects :)

Oh, yes, there is one more thing... during the evenings I am working on my own business... Do you see now what I mean by being busy. 

Now, try to be me for a second and squeeze in your calendar time to see your friends and spend some time with your child!!!! This is absolutely devastating, but I will do it for 10 weeks to add some boost to my CV and future career, 

last day...

Tomorrow I have my last exam in this year. That means I will hopefully finish my second year in less then 24h (considering I will pass everything). Honestly I cannot wait for it! It was such a busy year. Then just one more and I am ready to find some work...FULL TIME. This is what bothers me so much, I cant find any proper part time job during my studies! If I will decide to do my masters, that will definitely be part time to be able keep my full time job. The idea of graduation year ahead is very satisfying and makes me smile hihi.
Wish me luck and hopefully I can get back to you very soon, relax and with interesting subjects.

done!

Finally I am done with all my assignments. Just one upcoming exam (21st of may) and I officially have holiday ( if I ll pass everything). I cannot say it was easy. That's not a first time I see we are absolutely chilling during the year, there is almost nothing to do and then BANG, end of term! During those times I don't have time to eat, sleep or exercise. I wont even mention time to spend with my child! well... I am complaining, but what I would do without this tiny bit of me who loves being busy and feel shot of adrenaline... ;) awww that's just me .

I am going to London next week; just for one day, but I am happy about it anyway. I love being there and if my trip is combined with business purpose thats makes me feel even more happy. 

Happy me :)

M. xxx

Medicine thoughts...

Hello!

I am almost done with my uni work. Should be done by Tuesday :) 

I am having new thoughts - 'new,old'. I always wanted to be a doctor. Until now from time to time I have those thoughts on the back of my mind that I missed something in my life. That was one of my biggest dreams... As I was always good at school in any subject if I wanted I payed attention for some time to the biology but not too long. Partying and friends were more important back then. Now I am almost graduate and mother, that's why I am so concerned about being in study Again for a period of 4-5 years. that means that I would graduate medicine in the age of 30! and there is 2 years foundation program and later on trainee! I am thinking to be selfish and go for it... if that selfish really? Or stick what I have find a job and do master in business. It is really hard decision for me...

What would you do? 

I feel it is more then about the money and posses. It is about health and help...
hope I am not the one?!

IS IT EVEN WORTH IT?


M.xx